Some days are better than others...
And sometimes...
The not so good ones last for a bit longer than expected or wanted...
I feel like I've been in a bit of a slump for a while...
It comes and goes...
But feeling a bit - dare I say it - depressed - in recent months has become something I've been dealing with on a daily basis.
And I hate it - it sucks!!!
It would be easy to say that there are exterior things piling up that are making me feel down,
But I know that it is mainly an internal thing...
Stemming from the loss of my mom...
Not just the loss, but the watching her through her suffering with Leukemia...
And trying to accept my life as it is now - as a mom without her mom.
It's like I've mentally checked out for a while now...
Burnt out on many levels.
So right now I'm at a point where I feel that I should try to snap out of it.
To become a more active participant in my life every day...
To become a better wife and mother first and foremost...
I mean come on Marsha...
Look how cute they are...
How could one not want to be a better person to feel included in a life with these two goofballs...
To help take care of my Dave and Chloe...
They have helped me through this troubling time...
And to take care of myself and our new little Peanut on the way...
Due to join our family sometime around January 13, 2010!
I'm feeling angry now...
And although I've heard that anger leads to the dark side...
Not to worry here...
This kind of anger leads to the dark side of de-cluttering and getting rid of crap that has been weighing me down...
Not to mention eating a bit more chocolate to help ease the stress...
I want a clean slate!
I want to feel motivation!
I want to feel inspired!
I want to walk into a room and not feel that I have to turn around and walk out because I have so much piling up to deal with before I can get to what I wanted to do.
My procrastination is my torturer...
I'm ready to put on the gloves and get a shovel to dig myself out...
So if you are an object sitting in a pile in the house or studio...
If you are a piece of paper waiting to be "dealt with"...
If you are something I'm looking at every day, not doing anything except blocking my eyesight to creativity and freedom...
Watch out - you're on your way out the door...
You're on my bad side, and that is not a place to be...
And I apologize for not blogging for a bit...
It will come and go while I'm working on my spaces...
I'm planning a big move of my glazing area down into the studio where it should be.
Must get a few orders done first - but then off to that overhaul...
If you are in the general area or know someone that is, and work with Cone 6 glazes...
I will most likely be getting rid of a lot of "test glaze" pints that I've collected over the years for pretty cheap (I don't want to deal with shipping liquids - sorry).
Keep an eye out here for more info - lots of stuff will be practically "given away".
Think I may set up an Etsy shop for all kinds of "supplies" I'm going to unload...
Hmmm...
Oh Marsha, I'm so sorry... It sounds like you're tuned in to the reason and you're still so early on in the grieving process for someone so close to you that this would totally be expected. I'm in somewhat of a similar place right now and it's crummy!
ReplyDeleteIt's good if blogging can be an outlet to help you express all you're feeling, if not-don't feel bad for taking some time away from it. The great thing about all the bloggy friends you make is that they'll be here whenever you need them!
(on the other note, wish I lived closer to take you up on those glazes)
Thanks Mellisa! I'm sorry to hear that you are going through something similar in your life.
ReplyDeleteIt's bizarre trying to feel like you need to pick up life and keep going on when really that "thing" you go through changes your life as you knew it entirely...
It is such a struggle to accept that your life is different, and to try to settle down into it as it is now instead of how you expected it to be. It's so weird...
I appreciate your bringing it to my attention that it's still early in the grieving process for me... it hit a cord because I expected to be a lot farther a lot faster, and that's simply not the case. So thank you for mentioning it - it makes me feel like it's ok to feel bad sometimes... Thanks!!!
I should have lots of jewelry making supplies to get rid of too... the non liquid shipping stuff... years of gathering beads & supplies...
Hope you're doing well... Thanks again!
Marsha, I also send you best healing wishes. I know about the downs. The grieving can be a part as well as chemical imbalances. Gp see your doctor if you cannot get a handle on it.
ReplyDeletePeople grieve and get sad and mad about losses at different rates. It is not a formula. You have been through two of the biggest events in anyone's life. birth and death. it would be normal to be shaken a bit.
Get someone to talk to like a counselor so you have help in processing and can be better in daily stuff.
Many hugs and best wishes to endure and prosper. Joan T